The Burrito Gift

Today, I decided to go to Chipotle and buy myself a burrito.  It had been about six months since I last had a Chipotle burrito, and I was excited.  Like most people who ate at Chipotle during their undergraduate years, I have very fond memories at the place.  Like frantically trying to figure out what kinds of beans and salsas to get without slowing down the line, enjoying tasty food with awesome friends (and a getting a free drink with your student ID :) ).  But this blog post isn't a pitch for the restaurant.  It's about a lady I met there today; a lady I will probably never meet again in this lifetime, but a lady who I hope to one day meet in heaven.

I was walking into the restaurant when this lady approached me.  She looked tired and hungry, sweat shining on her dark skin in the noon heat.  She walked with a cane and an obvious limp.  Her left leg was bent out of shape and she had a bright red hat covering her dreadlocks.  I thought that she might be waiting for a ride, but then she asked me for some change.

I don't know if this is a moral dilemma that many people deal with, but when people ask me for change on the street, I have a really hard time deciding on what to do.  My first instinct is to just drop some change, but then I start doubting myself.  What if they go off and use the money to buy booze?  Or cigarettes?  Or drugs?  Would giving them change really be helping them?  Or would it just feed their addictions and keep them stuck on the street, begging for money?  (One of my greatest regrets is lying to a poor young girl in Indonesia about not having any money because I feared she was being exploited). But then I start remembering how God always commanded the well-to-do to leave gleanings for the poor in the Old Testament.  Or how in Luke 12:33, Jesus says, "Sell your possessions and give to the poor." And then the question becomes, how do I love this person the way that Jesus loves them?

By God's grace and the leading of the Holy Spirit, I made the split second decision to offer to buy this lady some food.  I asked her to come into the restaurant with me, but she said that they don't like her going in there.  So, she told me that she wanted a beef burrito, I went in and got two steak burritos and waters, and came out and gave her some of the food.  As I was dividing it up, I asked her what her name was.  She said her name was Karen and I introduced myself as I handed her a burrito.  Her reaction surprised me.  When she saw the burrito, she gasped and said, "God bless you!" over and over.  It seemed like she had never seen so much food in her life.  I was speechless.  I wanted to say, "Jesus loves you," or share the gospel with her, but it took all of my brain capacity at that moment to say, "Take care," and then hop into my car and drive back to work.

As I was driving, I prayed for Karen.  I prayed that God would be her strength and shield, her refuge.  I prayed that she would accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior.  And I prayed that God would bless the food upon her body, and maybe heal her limp, if that was within his will.  As I look back on the situation, I am a bit sad that I didn't get to share the gospel with her, but through this, I am learning several things.  I am learning to trust that God hears my prayers, and that I don't need to feel guilty for not taking the opportunity to proclaim the gospel to Karen; God can use my actions as well as my words to bring someone closer to a loving relationship with him.

The more times I encounter people asking me for change, the more I am compelled to give.  And the more I read God's commands to give, the more I am amazed at how God frees us up to give.  If I were a nonbeliever, it would be so hard to give to the poor because of the potential for my gifts to fuel illegal or dangerous behaviors.  But because I know that God is in control, I can give to the poor and trust that he will use it for the good of those who love him, just as he promised (Romans 8:28).  And so, I conclude with a beautiful glimpse of what is to come for those who love of the Lord and obey his command to give:

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ 

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' (Matthew 25:35-40)

So many firsts

My first time watching a burning palm tree...must've looked similar to what Moses saw on Mt. Sinai

Texas is the place of many firsts for me...my first time moving away from home, working a full-time job, buying a car, paying rent,  eating barbacoa, interviewing for medical school, driving five hours all by myself, going to Chinese school, finding a church.  All in all, mostly very good and exciting things.  But Texas is also the place where I got my first $50 fee for accidentally entering my payment information incorrectly for the electricity bill, my first time re-visiting a car dealership to return the warranty my dad said I didn't actually need, and my first time getting a speeding ticket. My time in Texas has been bittersweet, but I am grateful for every experience that the Lord has given me here.  He has taught me so much about trusting in him alone and not leaning of my own understanding.  For example, that speeding ticket. 


I am one of those girls who is a pretty confident and safe driver.  I can be impatient with traffic, but I never go crazy and weave through cars or anything of that nature.  When the cop that caught me speeding pulled me over, I was so peaceful with it, knowing that God had a reason for letting me get this ticket (even though I wasn't a danger to anyone on the road).  It's funny, because I had just read the verse Hebrews 12:6, "the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son," and the story in 1 Kings about the man of God who disobeyed God's command to not eat in king Jeroboam's territory.  The man of God was punished, alright.  His head was bitten off by a lion on his way home.  Okay, you may be wondering what that has to do with me getting a speeding ticket.  Well, quite a bit.  The man of God disobeyed God and was punished.  I disobeyed the speed limit and was punished.  There are consequences for disobedience.  And yet Christians can rest assured when they are punished that it is according to God's will and the punishment is served in love.


It seems like such a foreign concept in today's society that punishment can be given out of love.  I don't think the cop who pulled me over gave me a ticket out of love, but he did say that he was concerned about me hitting a deer going as fast as I was.  But I know God allowed this to happen so that I would grow closer to my Father in heaven, having to trust that he's letting me go through this for a reason.  Perhaps God's trying to protect me from the deer that jump out at night.  Or maybe he's answering my prayers to be more humble by killing my prideful speeding.  In any case, I cling to the words in 1 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." If God has to break me and put me through trials to make me weak enough for his power to be made perfect in me, then I am grateful for even my speeding ticket.

Filling your life up and coming out empty

If you're like me, you tend to buy way too many things at the grocery store.  You stock up your fridge and feel really good about all the food you're going to eat throughout the week, and then the week passes by.  Then another week passes by, everything perishable expires, and you end up having to throw all that stuff out before it starts to mold.  And, of course, this means your fridge is empty.  So, you go through a week of having pretty much nothing to eat at home until you get a chance to go to the grocery store and start the process all over again.

I was reading 1 Peter 1:13-25 today, and it reminded me of just that.  In these verses, Peter is saying "set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed" and "be holy in all you do." Why? "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."  Later, Peter goes on to say, "Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God."

This got me thinking, 'Why do I stock my life up with perishable things when I know that my life will come out of it empty?'  I waste away my life watching so many TV shows on Hulu, trying to figure out how to save up the most money just in case, and going grocery shopping for things I will probably end up throwing out anyway instead of filling my life with imperishable things: Jesus Christ, sincere love, and the word of God.  Now, I'm not saying don't watch TV or don't save money or don't go grocery shopping.  Those are all fine things to do.  But don't fill your life up with them and expect to be fulfilled.

This is what I am learning:
The empty way of life is a vicious cycle of trying to find fulfillment in empty things, and it is easy to get sucked in.  But the more and more you try to fill up on perishable things, the more tired, worn out, and disheartened you get, because after all that time and effort, you still end up empty.

The full way of life is harder.  It takes even more time and effort than the empty way, and it requires you to "prepare your minds for action [and] be self-controlled."  But in the full way of life, you aren't filling your life with perishable things.  God is filling you up with Jesus Christ, sincere love, and His word.  In God, we set our hope and faith and find our strength, because He fills us with what is imperishable.

The truth is, it's during the times in fellowship with other believers, worshiping God, reading His word, and sharing His love with others that I am fulfilled.  We don't have to live an empty life anymore; we've been redeemed from that through Jesus's unblemished and precious blood.  So, learn from my mistake of stocking up on perishable things and opt instead for a life filled with imperishable and enduring hope that God gives.

Farewell, friend

There's something about death that really puts life into perspective.  For over a month, I have been stressing over medical school applications, letter services, paying for my medical school applications, buying a car, getting my travel approved to move to my new job, being among the first to watch Harry Potter 7 Part 2, and a whole host of other things that pale in comparison to the news that one of my friends in Indonesia died in a car accident.  Dr. Deka was one of the people I shadowed in Lampung two summers ago.  Along with another doctor and two other researchers, he was helping the people in Lampung who suffered from malaria.  He was around 24-years-old when we met.

Remembering Dr. Deka has made me wonder, why do I stress over the little things in this life when I know that God is in control?  If it is God's will for me to go to medical school, it will happen.  If it's His will for me to get to my job in Texas, it will happen.  If God calls me home sooner rather than later, it will happen.  The only thing I can do is follow where God leads, trust in Him alone, and pray that He be glorified in my life.

"You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." - 1 Corinthians 6:19b-20

Dr. Deka, thank you for everything you taught me and for letting me borrow your Blackberry to bbm with my dad while in Lampung.  Your commitment to serving others and worshiping Allah encourages me to serve those around me and worship God with all my heart.  I pray that you had the chance to hear about and accept Jesus' death and resurrection and the hope of salvation He gives to us sinners.  I will miss you dearly.  May you rest in peace.

To-do list for when I move

1. Buy a car

2. Sign a lease for a place to live

3. Find a home church that follows the Bible and loves God

4. Find at least one friend to watch the midnight premier of HP7 Part 2 with!!!!! :) July 15th 12am! (Or July 14th 11:59pm)

5. Try to get back into a normal sleep pattern :)

Shadowing a family medicine doctor

Today, I got to shadow a family medicine doctor at a small hospital in a rural community in Washington.  Every single patient we got to see had different family backgrounds and different reasons for coming in, and I was amazed by how the doctor could switch so quickly from one case to the next, all the while dictating his notes, prescribing medications, conversing with his patients, and explaining things to me.  He was a very gracious doctor and teacher, especially since I was very new to the whole doctor shadowing thing, and didn't know exactly how much I could be part of his work.

A few issues came up today that really struck me about rural medicine.  The first was about health insurance.  Most of the patients they see here are on Medicare or Medicaid or receive funds for treatment through the Indian Health Council.  The others get insurance through their jobs or don't have insurance at all.  This can be very sad in cases where a person doesn't have health insurance, doesn't qualify for Medicare or Medicaid, and cannot get a job due to an injury or preexisting health condition.

The second issue that came up frequently was drug abuse.  Methamphetamine abuse is common, and people have died of it.  There are also cases where one spouse abuses meth or marijuana, and the other spouse is left to try to make ends meet and care for the kids.

Teen pregnancy and single mothers are also common.  A single mom might come in and tell us that she thinks the father of her child wants to be involved, but isn't totally sure.

We had interesting conversations with another doctor and the chief operating officer here about administration.  There is a delicate balance between profitability and patient care.  Resources are limited, and the more patients you can see and successfully treat without high-cost treatments, the more sustainable a hospital is.  Promoting wellness in the community plays a huge role in this, because if the people who come are quite healthy and just need something simple to get better, the hospital is much more cost-effective.  There can also be problems when the administration tries to achieve maximum efficiency and then forgets that doctors need time to see patients and patients need to be happy about the care they receive.  Personal relationships and trust between physician and patient can be the key to successful treatment, and these relationships require time.  A hospital needs to be well-staffed so that it is not dependent on just a few doctors, but hiring staff can be expensive.  So, it really is about finding that balance so that doctors are able to care for their patients, the hospital can run even if one of the doctors needs time off from work, and the hospital can be profitable.

Overall, I was amazed at the diversity of patients and cases a family medicine and OB doctor sees in one day.  I also found that I really enjoyed seeing geriatric patients more than I expected.  Seniors can be so sweet and fun, and they almost always have a good story to tell.  I can't wait for tomorrow, when I get to see the operating room and then go to a smaller clinic nearby and observe the different dynamic.

Pray for people in Japan and support the relief effort

This week has been a whirlwind of activities for me with several final exams and trying to coordinate work with studying and planning a doctor shadowing trip.  In the midst of all the busyness, I forgot about my prayers for the people in Japan who lost their homes, their livelihood, and their loved ones in the recent earthquake in tsunami.  It is sad and humbling how I can get so caught up in my day-to-day problems and completely forget about a huge disaster that took countless lives less than a week ago.  How much more selfish can I get?

Thank God for His grace and sovereignty in all of this.  Despite my selfishness and failing memory, God remembers the people in Japan and He loves them.  And despite my inability to understand why God would allow such a disaster to happen (along with the many natural disasters people have suffered through these past few years, like the tsunami in Southeast Asia and Hurricane Katrina), I can be sure that He has this all in His control.

I recently read a sermon about God's sovereignty, and it is a real comfort in times like these, when the future seems so uncertain. Ten Aspects of God's Sovereignty Over Suffering and Satan's Hand in It.

And for those of you who are looking for a way to help the people in Japan, the Salvation Army is providing emergency relief to the people in Japan who were affected by the earthquake and tsunami. Salvation Army - Earthquake and Tsunami Relief in Japan.